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An Luong.
CSULA!
626. SoCAL.
Just alotta random things, thoughts and stuff I like here. Enjoi :)
VENTILATION.
I hardly post things like these up, but here goes. After tonight, I feel like I’m barely getting to know my own self. At the very beginning, my mindset of doing this whole experience was determination and being able to handle everything that was being thrown at me because I “thought” I was strong enough, but NO. I realized everything was being put up a front by me. I put up a front about being strong and as a result, not only did I end up lying to myself but I’ve disappointed one of my biggest supporter throughout this experience. I’ve never realized how much pain my heart was ever able to endure until tonight. The feeling of disappointing the people that you truly look up to has by far been the WORST feeling I’ve ever experienced. It just hurts so much and that’s why I’d rather avoid it than to ever go back to those feelings again. I feel like I’ve lost all motivation to do anything and have also lost what the true meaning of in doing this whole experience. I don’t want to lie to myself but yet, I don’t want to disappoint the girls. If I end it all now, not only will I be their biggest disappointment, it will become mine’s also. I’m done with disappointments. I feel like that’s still that tiny spark in me that still has hope and wants to keep fighting, but I feel completely drained mentally and physically. Hoping for brighter days to come.
When things have been going down, the only place it has left to go is up.
Things have been settling on its own thanks to those around me who has helped me pick myself back up. The only things that’s been on my mind lately is to get on top of my shit and hurry up and be done with school already. Waiting for each week to come by to see what it has installed for me.
